Loss

I realize as I get older, that loss comes in many forms. More than I can possibly keep track of.


There was certainly a loss of innocence when I went through my divorce.



A loss of ... certainty ... confidence when DD1 moved away.

A loss of humility with the birth of my 4th child.


The heart ache of loss each time a loved on passes.

Deep saddening loss when someone you think you can count on lets you down ...

I have experienced a fair share of loss, certainly not as much as some I know ... but enough to know the pain.

Today I experienced a different sort of loss ...

You know, I am new to the church membership thing ... I have long gone to church, but only the last couple of years belonged to a church -- so I am not sure how to word or deal with the sense of loss that I feel today.

Our Pastor is leaving. His reasons are valid and true; he feels God's calling in a new direction ... how can one argue with that?

He has been with this church for well over a decade; far longer than most Pastor's stay with a congregation - but he has only been with me for two years ... I am not done yet. I am not done learning from him, getting to know him, encouraging him ... loving him and his wonderful family. I.AM.NOT.DONE.YET.

And I am not ready to start over. I have only just gotten comfortable sharing my faith with people ... I am not ready to start over, reveal myself to another person who shouldn't judge me but might. What if the new Pastor isn't as kind ... as understanding ... as passionate about the things that made this church home for me ...

I.AM.NOT.DONE.YET.

But he is ... and ultimately he has to follow the call ... and I will be happy for him and his family. And I will welcome the new Pastor and pray for the congregation - that we can make a change like this and have it be a good one ...

Blessings ...

Nettie

God Is Our Refuge


God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore will we not fear, though the earth do change,

and though the mountains be moved into the heart of the seas;

Though the waters thereof roar and foam,

though the mountains shake at the swelling thereof. Selah

There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God,

the holiest dwelling-place of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her,

at the approach of morning.

Nations were in tumult, kingdoms were moved;

He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

HaShem of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our high tower. Selah

Come, behold the works of HaShem,

who hath made desolations in the earth.

He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth;

He breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder;

He burneth the chariots in the fire.

'Let be, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.'


- Psalms 46: 2-11

Nearly two months

I would like to say that things have changed dramatically -- as I had hoped, wished - prayed for.

They haven't.

And as I type this I am keenly aware that I have not prayed correctly. Or rather I have not prayed specifically. I have not asked God for any specifics ... how can He answer my prayers if I don't tell Him what I am praying for.

I have been here, floundering about, knowing that I needed to change, that I needed A change ... but not really asking for the guidance of the only one who can make it happen. How silly am I?

This time I had almost forgotten about this blog. I came back to it by happenstance. But I realize that a coincidence isn't always a coincidence.

I was reading the new blog of my friend (The Chronicles of Isaiah ) this morning ... you see her family is adopting from China - for the second time - and the entire experience seems to be coming together through a number of coincidences ... or not.

I read her words and I can not help but realize that the coincidences in my life are leading me somewhere as well. I might need to be more diligent - more purposeful - in my prayers ... but I also need to stop disregarding the coincidences.

I have a job interview-ish today. Normally I would be nervous -- but right now I just know that God has His hand on this one ... I am going to trust Him fully.

Nettie

PS - I will be back!


Isaiah 53

1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.