Thank you Jesus.

Sometime I hear a sermon on Sunday morning and seem to have forgotten it, and its intent, by the time I leave the parking lot.



Other times, it sticks with me - like a dull ache that won't stop, like a shadow ... I can't quite see it, but I know it's there, following me, nagging me. Making me think.



Last week I heard a sermon, a message, from the man who would be our new Pastor. It has been a long road for our small congregation but we (an by we I certainly mean the Elders and Pastoral search committee) have waited and been faithful to His call above all else. I am absolutely certain that this has paid off. We have an excellent fit.



I digress.


The message was simple; it is not comfortable to follow Christ.

I posted briefly about this nearly two weeks ago, but I was only skimming the surface.

I thought I had been uncomfortable, and in my defense - in my own life I have been ... more than I imagined I could be. Poor health, unreliable finances, broken down cars, marital disharmony, children with attitudes ... and things that I can not bring myself to say out loud much less write. I feel uncomfortable.

I feel lost. Like I am disappearing - not my earthly body but my spirit. The ME that I thought I was ... I guess I am just unsure of my identity. Which is rough to accept. I thought that by some magical age (when is that?) I would understand things .. things would be come easier. I never thought they would be easy, just easier.

They aren't.

Throw into that mix trying to live for Christ. That has been harder than I ever imagined. While the rewards and blessings have been bountiful, the losses have been great.

And I digress again. It is so easy to do.

I could go on and on about the discomforts of my life, but really I am just a selfish, sinful person. What exactly am I sacrificing by loving the Lord? Friends who likely weren't friends in the first place, a discomfort in my marriage - which makes my husband think and requires me to give him more grace than I normally would, a necessity to more accurately discern the cause and effects of my thoughts and deeds? Hmmm, pretty rough stuff.

WHO am I to complain?

I do not suffer persecution for loving the Lord. I can raise my hands high in worship and only worry about others seeing my saggy underarms - I have no fear of arrest or death for my proclamation that God is alive and will return. I am not only able, but called to deliver the Gospel’s message.

And on the other side, I do not go to bed hungry at night (unless it is of my own choosing), but rather I clean out the refrigerator of any leftovers to throw away - or compost - on garbage day. My children have clean drinking water and a (mostly) free education. They are all healthy and have been immunized against any deadly - or uncomfortable - diseases. Our heat is on in the winter and we are never without clothing, in fact we regularly recycle ours with nary a threadbare piece.

We have an incredibly loving and accepting church family who rallies around us in prayer and guidance in times of need.

We have so much, and yet still we yearn for more. And yet, I still manage to feel lost in this world - so uncertain about myself and where I fit in. Does that really even matter?