My testimony - Part 1

In the years before giving my life to Christ, my life was filled with turmoil, conflict and a deep depression. I was constantly trying to “find” my place – at work, home, in my marriage, in my parenting, in a church – I was not succeeding at any of them. In fact, I felt as if I was losing everything, including my mind.

I had everything to be thankful for, but something was missing. I couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness, even in a crowded room.

I spent the eight or nine years (off and on) attending a big box church in my area. I tried to sign up for different events, small groups, etc. but never got connected. I never even received a call about small groups; I never experienced a feeling of belonging.

About two years ago, I found myself searching for what I call the feeling; you know the one, right? The one that people talk about when they know that Christ is on their side ... when they are surrounded by His love and secure in their place in His Kingdom. A solid feeling, a connection point, an unconditional acceptance ... yea, I was searching for that feeling.

For years, I think I was longing for a relationship with Christ; I said I was a believer, a Christian, a lover of God ... but I wasn't following and I most certainly did not know Him.

Perhaps I should back up a little ...

I didn't grow up knowing about God ... sure, I got the basics here and there, but not in my home. Because of the way that my parents we raised - hypocritical hell-fire and brimstone, damned if you, damned if you don’t, go to church on Sunday – repent and return to sinning on Monday … you get the point (there’s more to that story, but it isn’t mine to tell – it just affected my *religious* upbringing, or lack there of …) -

I am a rambler ... so I will just apologize up front - but this is my story and I think I need to tell it ...

-- and so ... because of the way they were raised, my parents did not want to inflict religion on their children. They didn’t want to force us into something that we might not believe in … so, as a family, we did nothing. No church, no Bible, no prayer … nothing. We never talked about God.

I had friends who went to church, and I would occasionally tag along ... I went to just about every denomination out there ... Lutheran, Catholic, LDS/Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness
Reformed, Presbyterian ... just to name a few :O)

I seem to recall attending Awana a few times; I couldn't tell you who took me, but I can say that I distinctly recall not understanding the verses and such -- since I didn't actually have a Bible for explanation, I am sure it was not easy … I also recall that it was in a gym and was quite chaotic ... and that I just didn’t fit in … Oops, there I go rambling again ...

So, you can see, my early religious experiences were few and far between ... not meaningful or even exceedingly memorable. I was a kid who fell through the cracks ... in more ways than one.


... Nettie


Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6