My testimony - Part 2

Right ... so back on the saddle again ...

Religion, faith, fellowship, God ... things that I grew up with out.

I would like to think it wasn’t planned that way … that my parents just didn’t know how to bring religion into our home, in a positive manner, so instead they just omitted it altogether.

That’s what I would like to think … I don’t know really, because it was not something we spoke about – ever.

I remember feeling like I had to sneak church. Isn’t that funny? Again, I doubt that this was their intention, but that is how I interpreted it. I laugh now, because I recall saying things like we're going skating or to the movies, or over to so-and-so's house to play, but instead I went to church outings. Not that it happened a lot, I am sure it was only a few times ... but they are vivid memories, none the less.

While I'm at it, I should say this; it isn't like I spent all or even most of my time in search of organized religion or a church family ... not the case. I was an average kid, in an average home, surrounded by other average homes and families ... most of them didn't go to church. Most people I knew didn't go to church.

The thing was when I saw glimpses of a churchy family, I wanted to know more. But I was a normal, average kid and since it wasn't exactly encouraged, my curiosity didn't usually last long or provide any meaningful answers.

Ironically, I think if I had been some sort of hell-raiser, I would have been more likely to end up under someone's wing ... maybe, maybe not ... anyway, I was just average - which isn't a bad thing.

Ok, I just had to say that ... because I don't know what my parents take was on the whole deal ... I just know that I never felt like it was something that we, as a family, would do.

Like I said before, I am a rambler ... sorry.

When I was a little older, I joined Rainbow for Girls (the International Order of the ...) - now you would think, considering the organizations mission, I would have found religion, God or whatever it was that I was searching for ...

What is Rainbow?
Rainbow is a non-profit, service-oriented organization that teaches girls three basic virtues: Faith in a Supreme Being and other people, having Hope in all that they do, and Charity toward others.

Even as I just looked at the website, I can't help but think that I missed the boat somewhere ... maybe I wasn't paying attention? Maybe I didn't do it right?

But I had to have paid some attention, I mean I made it all the way to Worthy Advisor, which I know required a fair amount of memorization of key verses ... I know that I got my first Bible* when I became Worthy Advisor at 16. I remember having fun ... and although I see it speaks of Religious Traditions, I don't remember talking about God or church ... much.

Maybe I wasn't average ... maybe I was dim ...

Now I am confused ... not what I intended as I started this post, or even this blog really. I guess you will learn about me, as I learn about me. I intended this to be about my Faith Journey ... but I guess that all of this is what got me here ...

Movin' on.

So, I went to Rainbow, more or less regularly from 12-20. I'll just say that it likely kept me out of more trouble than I would have gotten into if I had not attended – whew that was a mouthful.

I moved out of my house young. Too young. I worked hard, which I think became my religion - you know, the almighty dollar. Also ... I just had to survive, to prove that I could.

Here and there I would try a new church, but I just never found a place that stuck with me. I can blame it on a lot of things - things similar to my parent's experiences ... I had a lot of friends that partied hard all week, went to church on Sunday to repent ... and them back to the partying, adultery and such on Monday ...

The more professional I became, the more I noticed the same tendencies in the most successful people around me. They proclaimed one thing - a love of God, a belief in His word - but generally did something else entirely; lie, cheat, steal, curse, abuse their power, sexually harass others ... you know, all of the normal - acceptable stuff in the business world.

I had mostly forgotten about my personal quest for religion - there was the occasional flicker, but it didn't burn long.

I met a really great friend when I was about 21-22, a first-rate business person, an incredible mentor and a firm believer to boot. I had such a desire for that faith ... I guess I coveted his faith ... I wanted to be around him so that it just might, by chance, rub off on me and make me the kind of believer that he was ...

Bits and pieces ... I got some of his faith in bits and pieces, but I guess I wasn't ready yet, because I continued to make the same mistakes over and over again. Nothing too terrible mind you, but mistakes I pray my children won't have to repeat.

... well, I have to close now ... I have a toddler that needs my attention -
Stick with me, it get's better I promise.

Nettie



“Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.”- Mark 9:35

* A small white New Testament with my name embossed on the cover - I still have it ... but I didn't realize it was actually for reading, I was told to keep it in the box for safekeeping, which I did.