Going, going, gone.

No, not me.

I am sure it seems as if I am going. That this is a place that I visit rather than live. I guess in a way it is ... not because I don't want to reside in this place ... I would love to have the time to write, vent, wax and wane some less than poetic musings ... I long to get it all out of my system. But life continues to get in the way.

So, PS is gone. Moved on to his calling ... and while I am glad for him, I am still mournful - selfishly of course. But not just for myself, but for those who will have the opportunity to be blessed by his grace and wisdom. Obviously he will still be touching the lives of many ... just differently.

The weeks are flying by now. I thought that things might slow down once school started, but that has NOT been the case. Each day goes by at a rapid pace ... I can hardly keep up. But I am managing. Mostly keeping my head above water.

The new job is going well. Such a blessing to me - and my family. I hope that I am able to keep up!!

I did a whole lotta organizing today. A friend, who is especially talented at such things, came over and helped me clean out the stuffed to the gills extra room. It looks terrific. Peaceful even. It may just become my hiding spot! shhhh.

My sweet kindergartner is adjusting to school. I wish I could put into words what it does to my heart when I see her walking into the school ... just like the big kids. She seems so big until I see her next all of the big kids.

My 6th grader is doing well too. This is her year to be social. She seems to have more friends now that I have ever seen her have before. Hooray for her.

And that littlest one is doing ok, being the only one at home. She is a little more destructive these days ... a challenge for certain ... but we are managing.

Last week I managed to take a few moments every day, before everyone woke up, and sit quietly with my Bible and pray for a little bit. I am still not good at it, but I am trying ...

Well, I suppose that is all I can add today.

Hope the sun is shining in your neck of the woods.

Nettie

Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out. Psalm 10:15

So, you think you can work?

There is little irony that I started this post So, you think you can work? a week ago and was not only unable to complete it but not even really start it.

I wanted to post about the overwhleming life I lead. About the countless tasks that fill my day. Humor you with the clever quips of my off springs as I attempt to work from home.

Instead I was able to think up, what I considered, a whitty title post. And that is as far as I could get ...

I think if I had to come up with a title for my life story I might use When it rained, it poured. Corny? Probably. True? Absolutely.

That is life in a nutshell right now ... it is pouring and I am running around with buckets trying to stop the house from flooding.

I recently accepted a position with a wonderful Christian Organization. I couldn't be more thrilled to be working within a Godly organization ... I am finally part of the solution -- to something God driven. How cool is that?

It gets better ... I get to work from home and my income is truly based on my own efforts. I am able to help feed hungry children all around the world, assist in raising awareness of the AIDS epidemic and help US Cities connect with International missions.

The downside, if I can consider it that, is that my part time job is really working out to be a full time job. Add to this my family obligations, volunteer commitments and the other new job that I recently took on ... and well, I am one tuckered and torn girl.

I'm not complaining ... really, I'm not. I am grateful for the opportunities that have come my way. I know that in the long run I will be better off for them. I just can't help but laugh ... I thought it would be easy ... ok, not easy - maybe just doable - to work from home. Well, I can do it, but it isn't simple. There are many times throughout the day that I am torn between my kids and the work opportunity -- the laundry and the work opportunity -- dinner and the work opportunity -- cruising the Internet and the work opportunity ... ha! :)

But I am trying to find a balance. I am trying to listen to my internal clock ... the one that tells me when it is time to disengage and work on something more personal. I know that it will take time ... but I have faith -- good things always take time!

Nettie

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139

Loss

I realize as I get older, that loss comes in many forms. More than I can possibly keep track of.


There was certainly a loss of innocence when I went through my divorce.



A loss of ... certainty ... confidence when DD1 moved away.

A loss of humility with the birth of my 4th child.


The heart ache of loss each time a loved on passes.

Deep saddening loss when someone you think you can count on lets you down ...

I have experienced a fair share of loss, certainly not as much as some I know ... but enough to know the pain.

Today I experienced a different sort of loss ...

You know, I am new to the church membership thing ... I have long gone to church, but only the last couple of years belonged to a church -- so I am not sure how to word or deal with the sense of loss that I feel today.

Our Pastor is leaving. His reasons are valid and true; he feels God's calling in a new direction ... how can one argue with that?

He has been with this church for well over a decade; far longer than most Pastor's stay with a congregation - but he has only been with me for two years ... I am not done yet. I am not done learning from him, getting to know him, encouraging him ... loving him and his wonderful family. I.AM.NOT.DONE.YET.

And I am not ready to start over. I have only just gotten comfortable sharing my faith with people ... I am not ready to start over, reveal myself to another person who shouldn't judge me but might. What if the new Pastor isn't as kind ... as understanding ... as passionate about the things that made this church home for me ...

I.AM.NOT.DONE.YET.

But he is ... and ultimately he has to follow the call ... and I will be happy for him and his family. And I will welcome the new Pastor and pray for the congregation - that we can make a change like this and have it be a good one ...

Blessings ...

Nettie

God Is Our Refuge


God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore will we not fear, though the earth do change,

and though the mountains be moved into the heart of the seas;

Though the waters thereof roar and foam,

though the mountains shake at the swelling thereof. Selah

There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God,

the holiest dwelling-place of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her,

at the approach of morning.

Nations were in tumult, kingdoms were moved;

He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

HaShem of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our high tower. Selah

Come, behold the works of HaShem,

who hath made desolations in the earth.

He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth;

He breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder;

He burneth the chariots in the fire.

'Let be, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.'


- Psalms 46: 2-11

Nearly two months

I would like to say that things have changed dramatically -- as I had hoped, wished - prayed for.

They haven't.

And as I type this I am keenly aware that I have not prayed correctly. Or rather I have not prayed specifically. I have not asked God for any specifics ... how can He answer my prayers if I don't tell Him what I am praying for.

I have been here, floundering about, knowing that I needed to change, that I needed A change ... but not really asking for the guidance of the only one who can make it happen. How silly am I?

This time I had almost forgotten about this blog. I came back to it by happenstance. But I realize that a coincidence isn't always a coincidence.

I was reading the new blog of my friend (The Chronicles of Isaiah ) this morning ... you see her family is adopting from China - for the second time - and the entire experience seems to be coming together through a number of coincidences ... or not.

I read her words and I can not help but realize that the coincidences in my life are leading me somewhere as well. I might need to be more diligent - more purposeful - in my prayers ... but I also need to stop disregarding the coincidences.

I have a job interview-ish today. Normally I would be nervous -- but right now I just know that God has His hand on this one ... I am going to trust Him fully.

Nettie

PS - I will be back!


Isaiah 53

1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Not my destiny.

I guess that blogging isn't my destiny.
I thought that I would find great relief in putting into words my faith journey. Instead I feel so busy that I just can't get it all out there ...
Don't give up on me just yet. I still think I can do this thing. I do really!!

This weekend marks the true reason that we all live. Give thanks to God.

I am excited for the Sunrise Service and Easter brunch at my church. I will be singing on the Worship team and I am so honored to be a part of such a terrific group. I can't think of a more wonderful day to be able to sing the praises to my Lord.

If you have stopped by before and found me lacking ... please do come back. Things are settling down a bit and I think I will have more stories to tell. Life is getting better ...

Thanks so much and Peace to you!

Blessings ~
Nettie

My heart is in the right place.

I just wish that I could get the rest of me caught up.

I want to write (post) ... there are many things each day that I think oh ... I could write about this or that would make an interesting topic ... but then at the end of the day I am just too wiped out to do it.

Last week was an OK week. Just as busy as the week before. I managed to pray with DD2, but didn't manage to keep up on the scripture end of things. I could feel it too ... as if we were lacking something each day .. as if we were struggling because we didn't start the day out right. Funny, I didn't attribute it to that, but I realize (now) that we were calmer when we started each day with scripture ... less hectic. Definitely going to make a better effort this week.

Had to take NB2 to the Dr. last week. So traumatic. Her iron is low and so they had to draw blood. Let me tell you ... there wasn't a dry eye in the place. She fought good and hard - ultimately they got what they needed but it really took the wind out of her sails. She forgot for a while, after she slept, only to be reminded when she saw the band aid again. Ugh. That part of parenting ... yea, I could do without it.

It snowed yesterday. Yikes. Almost March and SNOW... so done with it! It didn't stay, thank goodness.

NB1 went to play with a friend after church today, so it was just NB2 and I ... as hard as it is for me, I decided to just sit still and watch a movie with her. Those times are so few and far between, just to the two of us ... and well, her wanting to sit with me. I know that part will not last much longer. I held her tightly in my lap, her head resting on my shoulder, her hair tickling my chin - I just breathed her in ... you know what I mean. Just smelling her littleness, her innocence ... the goodness of her. I am already missing that feeling.

When I took her (NB2) to the Dr. this week, they said that I should start to cut back her milk intake ... (2% in a cup - not breast milk, she has been weaned there for quite some time ...) and although I know it is custom, I want to know why? She likes milk. She drinks quite a bit, but less than she did 6 months ago ... and that was less than the 6 months prior to that. Why should I make her give up something that gives her comfort? She doesn't drink it in a bottle. She doesn't have it in the middle of the night (anymore) ... she eats a good, balanced diet. She isn't overweight - or underweight ...

I guess I am feeling like everyone is in a hurry for our babies to grow up and be like everyone else ... whatever that means. And I want my baby to be a baby - until she isn't a baby anymore.

Well, long ramble there .... I am probably hormonal today ... or something :O)

Hope your Monday is good.

Nettie


“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.”- 1 John 4:9

What a week.

I didn't intend to take such a long break. It's not like I didn't have a ton to write about ... I did!
But I have found that to blog seriously, takes time and effort. I guess this is sort of like a diary of my soul, but I don't want all my *stuff* to just ooze off onto the page. I'd like for it to make a little bit of sense.

I continued to pray with DD2 this week. Some days we did better than others. I also tried to read some scripture with her each morning ... well with her isn't exactly truthful - more like to her ... she sits and eats her Cheerio's/Life/Bagel/Toast/Whatever she has for breakfast, and I read.

At the beginning of the year our Pastor gave us a Bible reading schedule to follow for the year. There's a handy little check off sheet and in theory you should be able to get through the Bible in a year.

Yea, not in my house. There are generally 4 chapters to read a day and although that doesn't sound like a lot, it is when you have to pay attention to what you are reading. So, I am doing what I can.

February has us reading Leviticus (not exactly good breakfast reading) and Acts. And I am reading them as I am able ... but I keep being drawn to Psalms.

Psalms 34 to be exact. I know that I said it last week, but I am telling you this Psalm just keep coming back to me - over and over and over. In fact, when I randomly open my Bible, I swear it goes directly to this passage ... now I know enough to know that God is trying to tell me something .. I just need to listen more intently!

OK, so there is that ...

On to the week.

We started an Alpha Course last Sunday and since I have volunteered to help in the kitchen, the girls and I were there with bells on. But not before NB2 threw up in the car on the way to the church. Bleck! Thanks goodness that Hubby was going to be picking her up anyway, so he met us in the parking lot and took her pukey self home.

Tuesday night was Bible study night ... but before that DD2 had her first official horse riding lesson. She had so much fun - and she actually got to ride, which we didn't anticipate ...

Wednesday was a Valentines Dinner at church. The youth put on the dinner and they did such an amazing job. We truly have some of the greatest kids in our congregation. They are raising money to go to a conference in California and a mission trip to Mexico. They needed to raise $9,000 - and they did. Not just with this dinner - but through car washes, bake sales, chili's feeds ... these kids absolutely pull together and get it done.

And they are talented too. Musically, artistically, dramatically. It just cool stuff to watch them in action - I couldn't help but think if I had met just one kid like any of these kids, when I was their age ... well my life would have certainly turned out differently.

They are on fire for Jesus and there is just no other way to put it. I am so grateful that Christ led me to the church ... I know it is going to do wonders for my kids as they grow older ...

Let's see ... Thursday was get the house clean and back in working order day. I did and it was ... until yesterday :O)

Friday I cooked more or less the entire day. I made treats to take to the Women's retreat rehearsal on Saturday - which didn't actually happen, but that is an entirely different story.

Then I started on the Italian Layered Meatloaf that I made for the auction winners (I'll fill you in on that later).

Saturday ... hmmmm .... more cooking. I went to deliver the treats to the church - only to discover that the date they needed them was actually next month ... ah well. So, we went home to put together the meatloaves ... and then delivered them last night.

Whew. It was a week I'm tellin' you! There was more, I know ... but my brain is a little hazy right now and I am going back to church in a couple of hours for Alpha - so I think I am going to take a cat nap :O)

Nettie


For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.- Romans 8:38-39

Some days are like that.

I suppose I could say some lives are like that.

I could say that today. But instead I will say that I know God has a plan for me, for my life, for my future. His will for me is good and right and true.

Some days it is just harder to see that than others.

I prayed with my daughter this morning, we don't do that often - we are learning. It still feels a little odd, obligatory maybe … but I know it takes practice to make new habits.

Yesterday I read Psalms 34 - I think I need to read it every single day!

I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

a break

It is more than a little overwhelming to continue on about where I have been … I needed a bit of a break.
Today, when I sum up my life … I think of the washing machine …
You know how when you continue to fill up your washing machine until you reach maximum capacity .. whether it means that your clothes will be fully cleaned or not … you just keep shoving them in there – to see how much the machine can handle … yea, that’s my life right now. Just shoving it all in there, to see how much I can fit, regardless of how well it all turns out.
That is my life. In all of its insanity - and my own sadness ...
more to come.

Blessings to you ....

Nettie


I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2